just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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