she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
