I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
