I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
