I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We are all done wearing pants today
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
