i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
as a side note pls kill me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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