I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize