I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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