I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize