i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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