she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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