just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
