I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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