shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
