eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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