Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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