If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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