end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
