I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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