She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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