the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
