We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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