my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
