Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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