I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
