**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
