I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
