I'm passing your future prison.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
