I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Randomize
