A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
