As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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