what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
