Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
