its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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