update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
