And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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