i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
