I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
