That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
