i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
