Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
