Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
