i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize