I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
