Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
