Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize