U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
