Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
