Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize