Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
