literally had 100 drinks last night.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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