Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
