i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
