people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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