some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
