So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize