The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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