Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
