after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
