The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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