I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think your dad took our porno
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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