she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize