Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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