she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
