that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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