I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
