she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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