If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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