Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
