if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
