She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize