so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
