You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
