I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize