toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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