Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
