i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
