maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
