Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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