the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
