are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize