I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
MIDGETS
????
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
