Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Randomize
