chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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