I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
