I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize