She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
