how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize