Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
