I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
