i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
