Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
