Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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