On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
