I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
