I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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