He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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