two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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