i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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