all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize