Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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